Dear Jeauni 07: Single, 30, and Still Bidding?
In the midst of a bidding war, are we ever asking the important questions?
Q. Dear Jeauni, I’ve been single for a few years, but during that time I’ve had multiple failed talking stages. I meet a guy, we date, hang out, fall in love, and then 4 months into essentially being boyfriends (without the label) they end it because they ‘don’t know what they want’. I’m turning 30 – I’m gay – and I’m starting to think I’ll never find the commitment I’m looking for. I’m slowly losing hope. I’m a hopeless romantic, I’m very lonely and I’m ready to be appreciated. How do I find the energy to keep trying?
A. Dear Almost There,
Reading your message tugs at my heartstrings because, as a fellow romantic, I've spent my entire life dreaming of that all-encompassing love. Each heartbreak has tested my faith, shaking my core belief that true love isn't just a fantasy but something deeply possible for me. What I've learned is that searching for a one-of-a-kind romance is akin to hunting for that elusive DREAM vintage piece.
*In my Sophia Petrillo voice* Picture it: you’ve seen it listed a few times—rare, occasionally too pricey, and sometimes up for bidding with the tantalizing chance of scoring a STEAL. You’re glued to your computer, heart racing as you use EZsniper for that last-minute bid. You can almost feel those D.I.O.R. rings slipping onto your fingers, the ones you’ve lusted after for five long years. But then, just as you're about to win, the unthinkable happens... some bitch (there's always one) decides that the once $42 treasures (yes, they were listed on TheRealReal for this years ago) are worth a splurge of 5k. Your heart sinks because you thought THIS WAS IT.
But just like in love, assuming you've won the auction without factoring in the passage of time can lead to unexpected heartbreak. So what’s next? You're out of this race, but surrendering your pursuit for Gold (or diamanté crystals in this case) should never be on the table. After all, you deserve the best, and with a dash of perseverance, you can absolutely have it!
The journey continues, and eventually, you secure that coveted D.I.O.R (or L.O.V.E.) at a Klarna-sponsored price, thinking, “That hit to my credit score was totally worth it,” and I’d agree that it always is! Yet, when the package arrives, it’s scratched and missing crystals, transforming your dream into a nightmare. The excitement clouded your judgment, and you neglected to ask the crucial questions about their condition. This is where the lesson comes in: don’t be afraid to tickle someone’s mind and find out exactly what you’re getting. Whether it’s a lover or a bidding war, asking the right questions from the start can save you from unnecessary heartache. If someone can’t clarify what they’re offering, they might not be the right fit for you. That’s how you avoid disappointment and a return shipping label you had to pay for.
And speaking of fleeting moments, let me add this: it's absolutely okay to love someone for just a season. Look at Maria Grazia at Dior. Her collections may have, to put it kindly, fluctuated over the years, but if she were to unveil a divine creation tomorrow, I would cherish her vision for that fleeting moment—honoring her for capturing my heart, even if just for a few moments. Similarly, it’s not unreasonable to accept that you may have experienced real love many times, but it just wasn’t meant to last forever. Instead of clinging to a past love because of one unforgettable season, honor that time, learn from it, and carry those lessons into your next great love. This is the key to understanding what YOU truly desire, not just what you’re willing to settle for. As you and your dating pool evolve and mature, you’ll find that many are on the same journey of self-discovery.
Remember, your forever love is just around the corner. Embrace the anticipation, savor the journey, and trust that what lies ahead will be worth every moment of patience and self-discovery. For now, revel in the beauty of being ALMOST THERE.
Cue the music~*!
With Love,
Jeauni Cassanova
I absolutely loved this answer. I had to go through a lot of toads—and some of them were lovely toads, sexy toads, meh toads, toxic toads lol—before I found the one who was the prince. But through all that toad-kissing, I learned a lot about myself—likes, dislikes, non-negotiables, what messes I needed to clean up…how I can be a little toady lol—and how to really enjoy being in a relationship with myself. Then the perfect guy for me came along, easy peasy. No effort. And he was someone I never would have picked before dating myself, ya know? Love you, Jeauni
Jeauni, you're amazing. This article brilliantly weaves in the importance of never losing faith in what we desire, honoring our experiences for what they are, and asking those oh so important questions to make sure we do our due diligence before diving all in. And, LOVE. Nothing in life should diminish it. Thank you!